Cracking The Code - When A Woman Says “I Am Not Ready For A Relationship”

What does it mean when a woman says “I am not ready for a relationship” or, "I don't think I could ever love anyone else again" or, "I don't think I'm the right person for you" or, "I don't think I can be the person you want me to be" or, “I can’t give you what you want”? Well…wouldn’t you like to know.

Remember that scene from the movie “The Matrix” where Neo died and was brought back to life by Trinity? When he finally started to believe and became “the one”, he acquired the ability to see everything in code. And I only bring this up because it seems as though the more attracted we are to women, the more we tend to have “code” vision, where everything a woman says or does, we surmise that it must be code for something else entirely. We turn into postmodernistic romantic retards (yes, I went there) believing that there are infinite interpretations to a pretty obvious phenomena and the “say what you mean and mean what you say” concept just has no appeal to us. If you ask me, I think we’re working harder than we have to.

You know just for the sake of clarity, both men and women make these statements, so there is no major disparity here, and these statements all on their own are crimson flags. Unfortunately, we love to ignore hints and red flags because as I’ve said numerous times, there is just something about emotionally unavailable women that we’re drawn to. We want the fantasy.

When a woman says “I am not ready for a relationship”, it's like hearing the train signaling its last stop: "it's time to get off"; like an air horn being blown into your ear to wake you up in the morning; like seeing a burning SOS from thirty-thousand feet. It's hard to miss, but strangely enough easy to ignore and when a woman makes a statement like this - you know what, I’m not even going to bother whispering this into your ear. IT IS NOT A CODE FOR SOMETHING ELSE! There is no mystery to be solved so I’ll save you another scooby-doo flashback.

Statements like these are indicators that it is time to walk away and go on about our lives, and if we as men had our wits about us and our self esteem and self-respect intact, that is exactly what we would do. We would heed the warning and walk away. I mean, it's not exactly a "nobody gets hurt" kind of moment because walking away from someone that you've grown feelings for is never easy and it always hurts. But it is a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

So, what does it really mean when a woman says, “I am not ready for a relationship”? Well, it means exactly that. She is not ready for a relationship. A literal translation would be something like:

"I am not ready for a relationship. I see the way that you treat me and I know how you feel about me and it's so sweet, but l just cannot love you the way that you want me to. I don’t want to. I think it would be better for the both of us if you found someone else that can reciprocate that level of love that you're giving to me. You shouldn't be wasting your time with me because I cannot give you what you want."

When a woman says this, she is clearly acknowledging that she is not capable of forming a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship with you because she simply does not have the capacity to give what you're asking for, regardless of whether she wanted to or not. It is not your job to decide that you know better and that somehow she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Trust me, you would have a better chance at teaching a fish how to walk than at trying to convince her that she is wrong.

It is important for us to be able to take a woman's words at face value and not try and Sherlock Holmes the shit out of it because on some level, we think we know her better than she knows herself. We don’t. She meant exactly what she said. We need to come to terms with the fact that we cannot love a woman out of her emotional unavailability. We cannot just jump her into the fantasy that we have so lovingly and meticulously crafted for ourselves. We need to keep our feet grounded in the reality. If we are still pursuing a woman despite having been rejected and warned, then it is safe to say that any expectations that come with this venture would be unrealistic and naive, and there can only be two possible outcomes:

One. The woman does the honorable thing and leaves you be after rejecting you because she has absolutely no interest in dating or even using you. Suffice it to say that this is woman is undoubtedly a decent person with no delusions about who she is and what she is capable of. If you continue trying despite her rebuffs then she might just end up cutting you off completely.

Two. Unfortunately, there are women who even after rejecting you, would still keep you around as a “rainy day” option just so they can take you for a ride through assclownville whenever it suits their fancy. Now if this is the way you want to go (I wouldn't advise it), you've got to read the fine print, because therein lies the "assclown disclaimer" that states:

"The subject has been duly notified of the dangers of staying with me despite my inability and lack of desire to give him what he wants. As such I will not be held responsible for any heartbreak, disrespect or humiliation that he will definitely suffer while in this situation-ship, nor will I be responsible for indulging his pipe dreams that this relationship actually has a chance of going somewhere”.

If that doesn’t put things into perspective for you then I don’t know what will. When we incentivize assclown behavior through demoralizing ourselves and outstaying our welcome so to speak, we cannot really blame anyone but ourselves for the catastrophe that inevitably follows. Healthy relationships do not come from placing women on pedestals and admiring the hell out of them. Healthy relationships do not come from one-sided giving. Healthy relationships do not come from ransoming our boundaries, morals and values in exchange for some lousy breadcrumbs. Then again, whatever you choose to settle for in a relationship is what you’re going to get.

If a woman shows us in no uncertain terms that a relationship is not what she is looking for, then it is our responsibility to take the hint, act accordingly and move on while we still can. We would experience some short-term pain as a result yes, but ultimately it would be better for us in the long run. Much better.

Your thoughts?